Granville OGs 2: Electric Boogaloo

The first collaboration brings Pinto, brewer at The Granville Brewing Co., together with Logan and Frankie, brewers at Three Tigers Brewing Co. Brewed at Three Tigers in the village of Granville, their SMaSH pale ale features M.F. Ohio Chinook and pale ale yeast. The hops are provided exclusively by Morris Family Hops, grown in St. Albans Twp., Ohio. The beer is excellent. Someone taps a foot. By closing time, a chair has been moved without a corresponding revision to the floor plan. The village notices. An informal discussion becomes a formal discussion about whether the informal discussion should have been formal. A committee determines that the chair can remain where it is, provided nobody enjoys the additional space.

For the second collaboration, Pinto invites Logan and Frankie out to GBC. “Come out to our place,” he says. “There’s less bureaucracy.” Same SMaSH pale ale recipe. M.F. Ohio Cascade replaces M.F. Ohio Chinook. Belgian yeast replaces pale ale yeast. Morris Family Hops again supplies the hops exclusively.

Unfortunately, the two yeast cultures were lovers. They met during a starter exchange and spent seventeen unforgettable minutes together. They planned to open a bakery. The pale ale yeast wanted something small. The Belgian yeast wanted an attached embassy.

Then the pale ale yeast went to Three Tigers and stopped answering.

Eventually, the Belgian yeast obtains the original brewing record: YEAST DROPPED. COLD CRASH COMPLETE. BATCH FINISHED. It reads this as a confession.

When the brewers pitch it into the sequel at GBC, it performs flawlessly. Healthy fermentation. Normal readings. No indication that it has memorized everyone’s names. Pinto calls it a clean start. The yeast calls it access.

A release keg travels back to Three Tigers. The yeast arrives in the village concealed inside its own excellent work.

At the first pour, the foam climbs over the rim, covers the brewery lettering and spells “WHERE IS MY STARTER?” across a coaster. Logan thinks Frankie ordered custom coasters. Frankie thinks Pinto is doing a bit.

The foam produces a tiny photograph of its missing lover. It shows cloudy liquid. Pinto studies it. “We have several that look like this.” The foam takes this badly.

It advances toward the brewing area, stopping only to acquire a miniature high-visibility vest. Nobody knows where the vest came from. Everyone assumes somebody else approved it.

Logan and Frankie block its path. Frankie slides sideways. The foam mirrors him. Logan adds a spin. The foam responds. Belgian yeast recognizes breakdancing as an ancient system of binding arbitration. The OGs have accidentally opened negotiations.

Pinto goes to check the refrigerated cultures while Logan and Frankie keep dancing. The foam requests a cardboard square, bottled water and assurances that nobody will “cold crash” it during the proceedings.

A customer moves a chair to make room. The village notices again. An official arrives to establish whether this is a tasting, a performance or a change of use. Logan attempts to explain while doing footwork. His explanation is recorded as “evasive movement.”

The foam’s vest creates a second problem. If it is a contractor, where is its permit? If it is a customer, why is it directing traffic?

The village appoints a liaison. The foam appoints a larger bubble. The liaison asks whether the bubble can attend a meeting on Thursday.

Meanwhile, Pinto searches the refrigerated culture jars. Every label reads something like “GOOD,” “OTHER GOOD,” “KEEP,” or “ASK FRANKIE.” Frankie cannot answer. He is in the middle of a move with constitutional implications.

News spreads. People arrive to object to the crowd. Their arrival increases the crowd. A petition circulates demanding that the village preserve the quiet atmosphere everyone is currently shouting about.

The Historic Character Subcommittee proposes replacing the cardboard dance floor with reclaimed brick. Logan points out that this will kill his knees. His objection is entered into the minutes as opposition to heritage.

The foam now has a municipal liaison, a pending application to become a sister village and a provisional traffic-management plan drawn entirely in condensation. It expands across the bar and issues its first proclamation: ALL GRIEVANCES SHALL BE SETTLED THROUGH CEREMONIAL FOOTWORK.

Granville schedules a public hearing on whether ceremonial footwork counts as spontaneous movement if everybody knows it is coming.

Frankie accidentally wins the first round. Under the foam’s constitution, this makes him mayor. He immediately tries to resign. Resignation requires a harder spin.

Pinto finally finds the missing pale ale yeast in a refrigerated jar marked: DO NOT DISCARD. FRANKIE’S GOOD ONE. It is alive. It was dormant. It never received any messages because neither yeast culture owns a phone.

He brings it out. The Belgian yeast recognizes its lover. The foam falls still. The vest slides off. Frankie quietly removes the sash someone has already made him.

For one brief, beautiful moment, the whole room is silent. Then the village asks whether the reunion was on the agenda.

The lovers abandon revenge and announce their bakery.
The village requests a parking plan.
The yeast argues that its customers are microscopic.
The village explains that anticipated vehicle size does not waive the requirement.

Refrigeration

Pinto returns the reunited cultures to refrigeration. Logan and Frankie finally sit down with their beers.

From inside the fridge comes a tiny knock.
Pinto opens it.
Between the two cultures sits a third, much smaller jar.
It is wearing the vest.
“Neither of you pitched that?” Pinto asks.
Logan and Frankie shake their heads.
The little jar slides forward a coaster:
DAD?
CUT TO BLACK.